Self Care is Not Just Treating Yourself: Making Time and Space for Self-Care
Self-care does not always look how we imagine. I talk to many clients who view self-care as a luxury that they may or may not have time for. When I ask them about what qualifies as self-care, they often share different ways to treat themselves. Maybe it’s a massage, a special meal out, or some new clothes.
Although these may be examples of self-care in some cases, it’s important to recognize that self-care comes in many forms. Treating oneself to something special is great, but it’s not a sustainable foundation of self-care in my opinion. Instead, we can seek to find ways to take care of ourselves more regularly and simply.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care is any deliberate action or habit that supports your wellbeing. This may be wellbeing physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually. Often, acts of self-care don’t fall into just one category.
Self-care can be broken down in a way into two categories: habits and activities. Habits of self-care include things like eating in a way that supports your wellbeing, getting proper sleep, and working appropriate hours to avoid burnout. These are habits we build into our lives as a form of caring for ourselves.
Self-care activities are about making space to show up for yourself, however this may be. For some this may be setting aside time to meditate or do yoga. For others it may be creating a healthy bedtime routine that includes reading and a bath. It also may include more active forms of self-care like exercise and adventure.
A 2024 YouGov survey found that almost one-third of respondents engage in self-care activities daily. The most common forms of self-care included spending time with family and friends, reading, eating healthily, exercising, walking in nature, and shopping. There are countless ways to practice self-care.
The important thing to note with self-care is that there isn’t one way to do it. We may have ideas of pampering ourselves, but this is an incomplete view of self-care. We can incorporate self-care in more sustainable and simple ways.
Barriers to Self-Care
There are many reasons we think self-care is out of reach, and I hear it consistently from clients. By recognizing clearly the barriers we are facing, we can build a plan of self-care that works for us, our schedules, our finances, and our health.
Time
A 2025 study in individuals who worked in healthcare found that the two most common barriers to self-care were the time needed (68.7% of respondents) and cost (71.6%). Similarly, a 2020 study found that lack of time was the most consistent barrier to self-care. As studies show, time commitment is one of the biggest barriers to self-care.
This is understandable. People are busy with work, personal responsibilities, familial responsibilities, etc. Setting aside time for something extra feels impossible. However, we can work with this by finding a way to incorporate self-care that doesn’t require a huge time commitment.
It might be adding five minutes of meditation to your morning routine. Or maybe on your drive home from work you can listen to an audiobook instead of music. Perhaps you can practice self-care by investing in a comfortable chair or good shoes for your work. We don’t need to limit our view of self-care to activities that require a big chunk of our time.
Cost
Cost is another big barrier to self-care. With nearly three-quarters of people reporting it as the chief reason they don’t engage in self-care activities, it is the top barrier in some studies. Activities and pampering costs money, but so do healthy habits like gym memberships, healthy food, or even therapy.
Although the “bigger” activities may be what we think of when we think of self-care, there are plenty of ways to work within a budget. Simple things like stretching, walking, journaling, or creating a bedtime routine can support your wellbeing without costing much.
Don’t downplay the possibilities and effects here. Research has found repeatedly that walking can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. The benefits of sleep reach across all aspects of life as well, including better immune response, healthier metabolism, better mental health outcomes, and much more.
Guilt
I hear this frequently from clients, especially those who are parents. Taking time out for oneself can create feelings of guilt or selfishness. It’s helpful to remember that sometimes being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We can focus on ourselves and our wellbeing in order to show up more fully for others in our lives.
Remember that self-care doesn’t need to “fix.” Let go of expectations, be kind to yourself, and give yourself the time and space you need. If it helps, you can view your self-care as a way to recharge your batteries to be there for your family or loved ones.
Motivation
This ties in with time commitment. A lot of people just don’t have the motivation or energy for self-care after a long day with other responsibilities. We have a limited amount of energy to give during the day, and adding in some self-care can be difficult.
Something I’ve found useful when people share their lack of motivation or energy is to find something that feels really small and manageable. Maybe it’s starting with just a few deep breaths, sitting outside in the sun for two minutes, or eating something nourishing.
We can also work to change our perspective on activities to actually see them for the self-care they are. Instead of seeing the berries you’re eating as just food, recognize them as a healthy (generally) way to give your body nourishment. Reframe the things you do to see if you can connect with any caring ways you already behave toward yourself.
Health Issues
Finally, there are many health issues that can seem to get in the way of self-care. These may be physical issues like chronic pain or injury. They may also be related to mental health disorders like depression or anxiety.
You have to work with where you are. Let go of any ideas of “perfect” self-care and focus on where you are. Is there anywhere you can add in some self-care in your routine? It doesn’t have to be a grand action; we can make little changes where possible to build new habits.
How to Incorporate Self-Care
So how do we actually care for ourselves? I have a few ideas here of ways to practice self-care that aren’t just treating yourself. Every idea won’t be relevant or useful to every person. My hope is that some of these ideas resonate with you and you can choose the ones that feel true for you.
Care for the Body
I’m going to put aside things that do require a fair amount of time and/or money, such as a new gym membership here. Instead, I want to focus on more basic ways we can practice self-care for the body. Regular habits like drinking more water can go a long way in supporting our wellbeing.
Take a Walk - It doesn’t need to be a long multi-mile walk. Even short walks are beneficial for both the mind and the body. Maybe try something simple like parking a little bit farther from wherever you’re headed and walking the last block.
Stretch - Stretching has so many benefits for the body, including increasing flexibility, reduced injury risk, less muscle tension, and better blood flow. You don’t need to incorporate a new yoga membership to stretch; you can take a few minutes out of your day to give your body some relief with stretching.
Stand Up - Don’t sit for too long, especially at your desk. If you work at a desk, practice self-care by standing up every hour for a few minutes. This is great for your circulation, musculoskeletal health, and metabolism. It also can improve mood and focus while reducing stress.
Eat Healthily - I’m not here to tell anyone how to eat specifically, but you can practice self-care for the body by eating in a way that feels healthy for you. This may mean eating food that is nourishing and fresh, or it may mean treating yourself to that cinnamon roll after a tough day. Use your own discernment, and recognize how eating is intertwined deeply with how we take care of ourselves.
Drink Water - This is one I struggle with myself. See if you can practice some self-care for your body by making sure you’re drinking enough water. Maybe when you take a break from work you can make sure to drink some water. You can also set a reminder if you need to. Remember to view it not just as a chore, but a way to care for yourself.
Sleep - Finally, build healthy sleep habits. I know this may be easier said than done, but we probably all could find some ways to improve our sleep hygiene. Build a bedtime routine, stop looking at your phone, or try going to bed earlier. I think this is perhaps one of the most impactful things we can do to care for our bodies.
Care for the Mind
On to the mind. We don’t necessarily need a quiet retreat to find time or space to care for our minds. There are many ways we can build habits of self-care in our daily lives to take care of ourselves mentally.
Externalize Thoughts - This is one of my favorite ways to take care of our minds because it is so versatile. The idea here is to not keep our thoughts within and to find a way to externalize them. This may be through journaling or even taking a voice note. We also can do it in ways that incorporate creativity such as drawing or painting the thoughts.
Single-Tasking - In today’s world, limiting what we’re doing can be quite radical. Instead of listening to music or a podcast while working, shut it all down and be present. Give your brain some space to focus. You might think of it as closing the extra tabs in your mind.
Limit Stimulation - On a similar note, you can limit the stimulation or input you’re receiving regularly. Maybe shut off notifications on your phone for certain apps, consume slightly less news, or literally shut down tabs or windows you’re not using on your computer.
Take a Cognitive Rest - This doesn’t need to be a period of formal meditation or anything. Make some space to give your brain a moment to relax. It might just be a minute or two of sitting outside, gazing out a window, or allowing your eyes to close.
Note the Thoughts - Finally, we can mentally note the thoughts arising, especially when stressed or anxious. To note, just use a one-word phrase to describe the thought. It might be “planning,” “ruminating,” or “daydreaming.” Often, noting the thoughts like this takes their power away a bit and we aren’t swept off by the thoughts.
Take Care of the Body - I won’t re-list all of the things from the previous section, but taking care of the body also takes care of the mind. Try to get some exercise, good sleep, and breaks for your body. This will benefit you cognitively as well.
Care for Emotions
Emotional self-care may seem similar to mental self-care, but I want to separate the two. The way we care for our emotions may overlap with self-care for the mind and body. We also can specifically set intentions and make effort to care for the emotional experience.
Meditate - I recommend meditation on a lot of posts here on my site, but for good reason. There are many benefits of meditation, including improving self-esteem, boosting creativity, and possibly helping regulate mood disorders. You don’t need to sit for thirty minutes to see the benefits. Try just five minutes of meditation in the morning as a regular part of your morning routine.
Self-Touch - There are many somatic exercises you can do, including self-touch. You might rest a hand on the heart and the other on the belly. You can also do what is known as a self-massage. Do so with intentions of kindness and care toward your own body. Just a few minutes of self-massage can help reset your nervous system and orient your mind toward self-kindness.
Don’t Match Your Mood - I read and hear constantly to “match your mood” when it comes to music. That is if you feel sad, listen to sad music. Don’t do this. Reviews suggest this actually makes the emotional experience stick around. Try to play an opposite mood instead. If you’re angry, play calm music. If you’re sad, play some joyful music.
Express Yourself - Communicating is a key part of self-care in general. You might journal about your emotional experience, record a song, make a drawing, or talk to a therapist or loved one. Venting doesn’t work in general when it comes to anger, so try to express yourself in an honest but solution-oriented way.
Set Boundaries - One of the greatest ways we can take care of ourselves emotionally is by setting boundaries. This may be with our employers/work, our families, or friends. If you feel exhausted by work, maybe it’s time to investigate some healthier boundaries to reduce stress and anxiety.
Let Go of Fixing - I find in my clinical work that many clients are constantly searching for a way to “fix” some emotional experience. I do believe in being solution-oriented, but the simple truth is that we cannot simply fix an emotional experience so simply. Focus on acting in a way that supports your emotional wellbeing and try to let go of the clinging to a fix.
Give Emotions Space - One great way to address emotions, especially difficult ones, is to give them space. For example, if you’re experiencing some sadness during your day you can give the emotion five minutes of your attention and care. When the five minutes are up you can go about your day. You can always return to these emotions when needed. By giving it space and permission to be present we aren’t denying it. And by limiting the time clearly we are giving ourselves an actionable plan.
Practice Self-Compassion - Finally, practice self-compassion in the moments of difficulty. Any time you experience some form of difficult emotion during your day, turn toward it with care. Self-compassion means showing up for yourself in these moments rather than turning away. When we do so repeatedly, we are training ourselves to respond with care and kindness rather than judgement and aversion.
General Self-Care Tips
With all of these simple acts of self-care that aren’t really treating yourself, I want to offer a few general tips. These are additional things to consider when looking at your self-care routine that may be applied to any of the above practices or methods.
Reframe Activities
We all take care of ourselves in many ways on a regular basis. Yet we forget to see the habits as self-care. You can look at things like brushing your teeth, eating a healthy meal, or reading your book before bed as acts of self-care. Rather than adding something in, we can recognize what is already there.
Set Realistic Goals
Habits of self-care aren’t going to completely change your experience overnight. We can have a goal in mind, but focus your energy on the actions or habits rather than the outcomes. When we focus too much on the goals, we often feel disappointed that we aren’t achieving them quickly enough. By focusing on the actual self-care, we can connect with the part of ourselves that does care for our wellbeing.
Watch Comparisons
When it comes to self-care, we can compare ourselves frequently to others or idealized versions of ourselves. When you notice the mind measuring your self-care or its fruits against others or even where you want to be, pause and see if you can leave those thoughts be. Again, put your energy toward the actual habits.
Communicate
Finally, communicate! Maybe you can find a friend to build some new self-care habits with, or let your family know you’re going to incorporate some stretching as a form of self-care. We are social creatures, so use the support that you have available to you. Remember to reach out for professional help if you feel it would be useful to you.
