Why Can't I Cry? Understanding Emotional Blockages
Have you ever felt like you wanted to cry but the tears just simply aren’t coming? An inability to cry is a common experience, and can be the result of a variety of different factors and causes.
Being able to cry gives us some relief or release. On the other hand, not being able to cry can feel distressing, confusing, or even frustrating. We want to release our emotions but they simply won’t come out.
Possible Causes of an Inability to Cry
There are many reasons we might find that we cannot cry anymore. It may be sudden or gradual. It’s important to note that people cry differently and in different amounts. How much somebody else cries may not be how much you cry, and that’s okay.
Physical Conditions
Some physical conditions can alter one’s ability to cry. If you don’t feel that you have some sort of psychological or emotional blockage, it may be worth considering a medical or physical cause.
Medical Conditions
There are plenty of medical conditions that may be contributing to your inability to cry. Many of these conditions reduce tear production and are linked with dry eyes. They include:
Dry eye syndrome (keratoconjuctivitis sicca) - As the name suggests, dry eye syndrome is characterized by dry eyes. Tear glands don’t make enough tears and/or the tears evaporate too quickly.
Sjögren’s syndrome - This is an autoimmune disease that specifically attacks moisture-producing glands such as tear ducts.
Hormonal changes - Any hormonal changes can reduce tear production. These changes may be from thyroid disease, pregnancy, menopause, low estrogen, or high testosterone.
Diabetes - High blood sugar can damage the nerves and blood vessels in the eyes. Specifically with the lacrimal glands and clogged oil glands, many with diabetes experience dry eyes and less tears.
Rheumatoid arthritis - As an autoimmune disorder, RA can cause chronic inflammation in the tear glands, reducing tear production.
Certain Medications
In addition to the medical conditions that can dry your eyes out, many medications may also have an effect. These effects may be from physically drying the eyes out, or changing emotional experiences. They include:
Antihistatimines
Antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds
Blood pressure and heart medications
Acne and skin treatments (retinoids)
Hormonal therapy
Anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs)
Chemotherapy
Antocholinergic/antispasmodic meds
Decongestants
Climate
A dry climate and wind can significantly reduce tear production as well. This may especially be true if you recently moved from a more humid climate, or the weather has changed with the seasons. This happens for several reasons.
Lower humidity makes tears evaporate faster, while windy conditions strip away tear film. Together these can cause a big change in tear production and may be influencing your ability to cry.
Surgery
Finally, any surgery on the eyes can impact tear production for quite some time after. LASIK/SMILE surgery cuts through corneal nerves and can reduce tear production, as can cataract surgery. Any cosmetic procedure can alter tear production too.
Emotional and Psychological Causes
If you don’t have a physical cause for your inability to cry, it certainly may be an emotional or psychological situation. There are many potential causes here, and it can be a combination of factors.
Emotional Exhaustion
Any type of emotional exhaustion can lead to an inability to cry. We fall into “shutdown” mode where the brain dulls emotions just to cope with daily living. It may be from burnout at work, a stressful event like moving, or grief of any kind.
When we are going through a period of emotional exhaustion, we simply don’t have enough left in the tank to cry. We may feel sad or like crying, but we do not have the capacity to fully feel the feeling and externalize it with tears.
Trauma
A history of trauma can impact our ability to cry. Trauma impacts the nervous system, and a common effect of trauma is a silencing of emotions. As you experience dorsal vagal shutdown you might feel more emotional, with symptoms like a tight throat or pressure in the chest. However, tears stay blocked.
One of the core symptoms of PTSD is emotional numbing. The amydala and prefrontal cortex work together to keep you from fully experiencing emotion. It’s a coping mechanism that your brain and body do to keep you safe, but it may prevent you from crying.
Depression
One of the many symptoms of depression is emotional blunting. Contrary to the popular image of depressed people as sad, they are actually not more likely to cry than non-depressed individuals.
In fact, longer bouts of depression may decrease the ability to cry. A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that those with depressive episodes lasting longer than six months experienced a significant decrease in bouts of crying.
Anhedonia
Anhedonia is a symptom of many mental health disorders in which one does not feel normal pleasure in interest that generally feel good. It can be physical or social, and often feels a bit numb or empty.
Along with diminishing one’s capacity for joy, anhedonia also mutes other feelings such as sadness. People who experience anhedonia may describe their emotions as flat. Anhedonia is a symptom of depression, schizophrenia, Parkinson’s, traumatic brain injuries, PTSD, chronic stress, substance use disorder, and many other medical and psychological conditions.
Repression or Suppression
Many people learn to repress or suppress crying at some point in their lives. It may be in early childhood, or an adult relationship. When we learn that crying is unsafe, our tears are not met with compassion, or we are punished for crying, we may have a tendency to shut down the tears in the future.
With repression, we push away the tears non-consciously. It’s an automated response that we are unaware of. On the other hand, suppression is a conscious and deliberate pushing down of tears.
Societal Pressure
Finally, societal norms may dictate our abilities to cry. In general, it is less socially acceptable for men to cry than women. Men learn a level of suppression or repression that can be a bit inherent in a culture with strong gender norms.
Furthermore, there are expectations surrounding people. For example, a woman who is an executive at a company is expected to be strong and not emotional. If they are emotional, they may be labeled unfit for the job quite quickly.
All of the various social norms and forms of cultural pressure can result in an inability to cry. They are acting on us constantly, and impacting our innate ability to experience emotion.
The Benefits of Crying
We think of crying in a weird light often. It’s associated with sadness or even weakness sometimes. But crying has many benefits. Here are a few important ones:
PNS Upregulation - Crying activates self-soothing via the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). It can promote relaxation and recovery after distress. Research suggests about half of crying episodes lead to some relief of tension after stress.
Oxytocin and Endorphins - Crying releases both oxytocin and endorphins. These hormones help dull emotional and physical pain, promote a sense of calm, and give a sense of kindness or love.
Social Connection - One study found that those who struggle to cry feel less socially connected to their peers or loved ones. They were also likely to exhibit a more avoidant attachment style.
Regaining the Ability to Cry
The first step in regaining the ability to cry is certainly recognizing any potential causes. Once we know what is going on, we might dedicate time to working with said cause. Here are a few things that can help you regain your ability to cry.
Address any Physical Conditions
If you think there may be something medical going on, speak to a doctor. Try to advocate for yourself as much as possible. Sometimes fixing the underlying medical condition or conditions is enough to regain the ability to cry by itself.
Create a Safe Space
We can encourage the tears to come by creating the space for them. You might watch a sad movie or read a sad book. If sad isn’t your thing, you might try something sweet, romantic, or redeeming.
Try to create the right space for you to feel safe. It may be cuddled up in bed with your favorite blanket, in the shower, or in your car. There’s no right answer that works for everyone right across the board. Find your own safe place and try to allow space for crying.
Try Somatic Exercises
Somatic exercises can help you release stored emotional tension in the body. This can be especially helpful with anhedonia, as we release muscle tightness and begin to reconnect with emotions.
There are even somatic exercises specifically for crying, such as somatic crying. By focusing on the tension like the throat lump or tight chest, we can create space for it. We can also support ourselves psychosomatically with somatic work like self-hugs and self-touch.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness practices can reduce both suppression and repression (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3679190/). With practice, we can train ourselves to observe the experiences we’re having with less judgement and more equanimity. Many who meditate report more frequent crying episodes.
Techniques like the body scan meditation can also be seen as a somatic exercise as well, while crying meditations are a way to specifically embrace tears. The benefits of mindfulness come with continued practice, so consider starting a daily meditation practice.
Lean on a Support System
Research shows repeatedly that social support helps individuals cope with mental health difficulties. Through co-regulation, the nervous system is able to calm itself and experience the emotions more clearly and safely.
Being heard helps normalize feelings, decrease suppression, and enhance emotional processing and resilience. As such, find a healthy support system. It may be a friend or loved one, a support group, or a therapist.
Seek Therapy
There are many types of therapy that can support you as you work to regain your ability to cry and reconnect with your emotions. EMDR can be effective with trauma, CBT can help process avoidance patterns, Somatic Experiencing can work with the sensations stuck in the body, and DBT and help build emotional regulation.
If you’re struggling and not able to cry, please don’t hesitate to reach out for a free consultation.
